Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Reunion dream

The pressure to come to the reunion is invading my dreams. Susan called me up and asked to meet me at the casino. I drive along a two-lane country road and come to the ‘casino’. It’s a kind of open air snack bar. I park in a gravel parking lot and walk towards the shelter. It’s a large cement pad with a roof over it and a wooden concession stand along the back. No walls. There are wooden picnic tables lined up in rows of four tables across about six tables deep. Susan is sitting at a table one in from the front left. I join her and we embrace. It’s been decades. Her husband is at home so she can’t stay long. We talk about the reunion and i tell her that i won’t be attending but that people keep asking me to. She says she understands and smiles. We talk about ?her dad. It’s getting dark and she needs to leave. We walk out to the parking lot together. She gets in a dark blue four-door sedan – i think it’s a Volvo – and heads out on the two-lane country road going right. I get in my car and think about my old classmates that have been in touch with me and go through their names like in a mental rolodex. I feel torn about going/not going but know i won’t go and start up my car to drive away from the ‘casino’.



No secret message there. That’s reality. I got the latest contact from DaveW asking me about the class reunion. He graduated a year early like i did so never gets the reunion stuff from the class he really associates himself with. It might be paranoia, but i wonder who asked him to contact me when he could have just as easily looked up the information himself. It doesn’t matter i guess. But he still lives in VA and so do a lot of my old classmates. Guess it could’ve been synchronicity but really doesn’t feel magical like that.

Ah! I just realized the ‘casino’ was Mr. Sabula’s land where us Trails End Road kids used to play softball and he used to hold his annual Polish picnic. That was an amazing event. Steamers and music and people. Kielbasa and beer (for the adults) and games of chance to play. Everything, even the games, were home-made out of wood planks. There was a wooden stage…. I’d forgotten about that. After several years when, i guess, his alcoholism got incapacitating his family put a stop to the picnic. I always assumed that they didn’t like the idea of him spending his money instead of keeping it in the bank so they could inherit it all, along with all his property. But then it got so they wouldn’t even let us use the field to play softball which didn’t hurt the field OR cost anything. He was nice but they weren’t. Hmmm. I wonder what that land looks like now. Probably covered with houses. Maybe a 7-Eleven. Manassas (Independent Hill). It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Best to keep it buried, wot?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

bizarro weekend of dreams

Friday night: In the dream i’m having a serious conversation with somebody when the edge of sleep and awake blurred and i woke myself up answering a question out loud. That happened three times. When i looked at the clock it was 1:47am. I wish i knew who i was speaking with and what we were talking about. Each time i woke myself up i fell right back in to the dream. That’s kind of unusual i think.

Then i dreamt a place i’ve never been before. I didn’t know any of the other people in the dream except Scott and there were a lot of people, mostly tall men (AVP players?). The men have picked Scott and me up from ?the airport and are taking us back to their ?house. Traffic is moving pretty fast and not too heavy when one of the men sees a man on the side of the road that, apparently, he knows. We pull over and rearrange luggage to make room for the other man and continue to our destination. It was like a mall and a resort and futuristic condos and apartments. The home/condo of the people Scott and i were staying with is really incredible – big round rooms and large open spaces. Very Deco feeling to me. The main room (living room) is all open space for two (or more) storeys. The one wall over looking the pool is all glass. The view is amazing. On the back wall of the room i can see there’s a loft higher up and guess that it’s the master bedroom and think that i’d like to go up there to look but can’t see how to get up there). There’s a large open spiral staircase – not a complete spiral but a kind of free-hanging large curve which i think i will go up later and explore. We’re all lounging around on the plush white couches in the living room and i’m telling the people about my earlier dream i’d had that i woke myself up talking out loud. We go outside to the swimming pool. It’s a kind of roundish natural kind of shape. Not really a kidney shape but like a pear or leaf or something oblong like that. It’s surrounded by a stone patio and very beautiful. I go back into the house and into the kitchen to get a beer and the kitchen is very small like a galley. I look in a little cupboard near my feet and see a bunch of beers but they’re not cold and they’re not good brands so i check the fridge. There are two six-packs that contain bottles that i think are beer but the bottles are an odd shape for beer. I take one out from each of the six-packs. One bottle has a blue label and the other has a green label. I return to the pool and give Scott one of the beers. They taste pretty good. Then several of us leave the pool and walk through a nicely kept lawn to the edge of some woods. There’s a barely visible path that one of the tall men points out and we walk up the path until it ends at a secret rose garden. It reminds me of the Shakespeare Garden in Golden Gate Park. Simple but beautiful. We return to the pool to swim and relax in the sun some more but i’m tired of water and go in the house. I walk up some stairs and down a hall. And the dream theme shifts. I realize i can’t find my ‘stuff’. I had two suitcases and a big flat case that was the size of a formal dining room table but only a couple of inches deep. All my cameras, lenses and filters are in those bags and i’m frantic that i can’t find them or even remember what happened to them. I ask Scott but he doesn’t know either. I begin to fear that my stuff got left on the side of the road when we rearranged the van to make room for that guy on the highway. I keep asking Scott to intervene for me and ask the tall men if they know but Scott tells me to ask them myself. I don’t know them though and i’m embarrassed to ask them. Scott and i walk through the kitchen galley out the other side and into a mall. It’s not the mall i go to sometimes in dreams. It’s a new place completely. We walk down the mall a bit when Scott goes in to a door that’s an apartment. I don’t know whose apartment it is and feel very nervous being there without permission. Scott is looking for something and i leave and go back out into the mall. Once out there though i begin the panic because i’m lost and go back in to the door to the apartment where Scott is, except it’s not the same apartment. I go through the kitchen and out the door and i’m back in the mall but in a completely different place. I think i know how to get back to where i was so i walk around a wide hallway with a marble floor and statues along the walls. As i turn the curve, Scott comes out of the apartment where he was and begins to berate me for getting lost again. We go back in to the apartment he just came out of and there are two blond girls in the kitchen fixing tea. I’m pissed because i thought that he shouldn’t have been in that apartment without permission but the girls don’t seem to take any notice of us. Scott looks at my Life Is Good backpack and asks me if that’s the only purse i have and i respond that it’s either the backpack or a square shaped cosmetic bag. I can tell he’s annoyed with me for being underdressed and getting lost. I feel completely inadequate. We argue a bit then decide to go to a show. We walk back the way i’d just come, over the marble floor, past the statues and come to the ornate entry way to a theatre. There’s a live music show so we buy tickets and go sit down in the red velvet seats. It’s like an old time movie theatre. Plush and gilded. There are four of us seated in our row. Scott is sitting at the end by the row and i’m sitting in the seat on the aisle. There’s a man sitting is the seat next to me, to my left, explaining something about the show but i can’t understand what he’s saying because i feel like he’s crowding me. He’s a large white man in his thirties. He reminds of me John Goodman or George Wendt (Norm on the old show Cheers, where everybody knows your name). Finally the show starts and it’s some kind of musical performed by amateurs and not very good so we leave.

Saturday night: A news report on television. As the news reporter describes what has happened, i’m witnessing the event as if it is unfolding. Three people, two men and a woman (all black) have robbed a ?party and are running away from the house. The woman is wearing a beautiful sea foam green satin dress. The news reporter describes that she is running and shooting behind her as she runs. I see how she is wrapping her left arm around her body and shooting behind. Large Rottweiler’s come out of the house and chase the three. One of the Rottweiler’s lunges for the woman and sinks its teeth into her flank (side/back). The woman screams for help and one of her companions tears the dog off of her. The reporter comments that dog must’ve lunged at just the right time to avoid being shot and shows a graphic on the screen behind him of a drawing of the woman, the dog, and the bullets. The robbers get into their van (the black van from yesterday’s dream?) and make their getaway. They (we i guess – them and me the omniscient dreamer) are on a highway and the woman in the satin dress is lying in the back in pain. There’s an old black woman trying to examine the wound but satin dress is fighting her. Finally the old woman tears the dress away from the wound and we see that a big chunk of her flesh is just gone and it’s a big bloody open wound. The old woman (she seems to be a nurse so that’s what i’ll call her) has some sterile gauze held with forceps and is trying to clean the wound but still satin dress fights her. Then there is a white girl with blond hair trying to assist the nurse. Satin dress has a two-pronged fork (like a pickle fork) and stabs the white girl in the throat. She, blond girl, clutches her hand to her throat because her wind-pipe has been punctured. She looks to the others for help. The driver of the van pulls off to the side of the road, gets out of the van and walks around to the side. He slides open the door and pulls the dying white girl out of the van and throws her down on the grassy shoulder. He gets back in the van and resumes driving and we can see the girl crawling after the van holding her throat and crying.

Now the van is on a busy highway (it reminds me of the bypass around Chicago) and there’s tons of traffic including big eighteen wheelers. We have to change lanes to get onto the track (like a roller coaster chain) to make it to the top of the hill. We can’t get over to the lane in time and end up in a tunnel. I try to read the road sign just before we enter the tunnel but can’t see what it says. On the other side of the tunnel we come to the hill but now we have to drive up and over it. Now the dream is changed and i am driving a small car and apparently the other story is finished. I’m flooring the gas trying to get up the hill. I can’t make it and roll back down backwards, trying to avoid the big rigs. When i get to the bottom i try again to get up enough speed to make it. It takes several tries but i finally make it to the top of the hill and stop at a truck stop/restaurant to get directions. It’s a diner on the inside and the dream changes again. I’m back to being the omniscient dreamer watching.

A man and woman sit down in a booth. They are a non-descript middle-aged white couple. Very “happy days” in style. The table placemats are paper with a map of the United States on it and the interstate highlighted with all the kitschy tourists attractions noted along the route. Hwy 66? The man tells the woman that they have to go to ?St. Louis to settle the matter and then they can return to their home and not have to worry about “it” ever again. The woman is nervous about the whole thing but follows along because she doesn’t have any other option apparently. The couple resumes driving and reaches a town that’s all red brick buildings. Even the high-rises are red brick. It looks like some kind of big factory or institution. I (the dreamer) am alone now and viewing what’s going on in rooms inside a big building. In one room, it’s some kind of manufacturing plant but i don’t notice what’s being made because of my shock at seeing a wall lined with mutant babies in harnesses being used as machine parts. Each of the babies has something horribly wrong with its limbs. Instead of hands or feet they have cogs and gears. An old man (scientist?) adds a new baby to the line and i see how its feet are hooked up into the cogs of the machine to make it run.

The scene changes again and the dream is witness in another room in another building. The room we are in is a small (8 x 10) room at the top of a long flight of steel stairs. There are steel bars on either side of the stairway and it twists back and forth with at least five steel grate landings. I realize we must be in a sort of tower. There are two infants lying on a table in a dark room. The scientist is sitting in a chair behind their heads. There are two light buttons (look like ‘tap lights’ but not quite as big in diameter) and the scientist presses one to turn on a lemon yellow light. After he does that he watches each of the babies for a few minutes then turns the light off again. After waiting for a short time he presses the other light and turns on a lime green light. Again he watches the babies like he’s expecting some kind of reaction or result. In a news flash the dreamer is getting the background story. Many years ago there was a ?radiation accident and ever since, all babies born have some kind of ‘defect’. Some of the defects are apparent (like in the gear babies) but others are hidden and scientist have to discover the power as soon as possible because they can be so dangerous which the adults learned about when one baby in a nursery full of babies had the power to make things burn and all the other babies in the nursery were incinerated. The fire baby was unburned but its cheeks were red and puffy. Ever since then every baby is tested. Then i’m back to the room with the scientist and two babies. The scientist turns off the lime green light and again waits, watching for some kind of reaction or result. Suddenly there is a noise from the stairway. A full-grown Bengal tiger is coming to the gate that leads to the room. The scientist quickly secures the gate to keep the tiger out. His fear is great. He wonders which of the babies on the table manifested the tiger and begins taking notes. He feels fairly confident that the gate will keep the tiger out and just as he thinks that thought, he is transported outside the gate into the stairwell with the tiger. Immediately he realizes that one of the babies can make things manifest and the other one can transport objects. His fear is panic now as he runs down the steel steps with the tiger chasing him. Luckily, he was transported a flight lower than the one the tiger was on so he has a head start. But still, he’s a man being chased by a tiger. He bursts out of the steel door (it is a tower) and up the path to the road. There is a royal party coming up the road on horses. The horses are ‘dressed’ in red satin with gold tassels. The first horse is carrying four dwarves (jesters?). The scientist begs them to let him ride to safety but they ignore him and ride on. The second horse is ridden by a man wearing yellow satin with red trim. He indicates that he cannot offer the scientist a ride because they are part of a parade and continues up the road. The scientist (now with the tiger almost upon him) runs up the road in the opposite direction the ‘parade’ was moving and is running as hard as he can but the tiger is right at his back now and the man realizes he is in no danger from the tiger and stops running. He turns around and pets the tigers’ big head.

The dream changes again and i am witnessing the meeting between the middle-aged couple and a panel of town elders. They are all seated at a large rectangular table. The man is sitting across plus one to the right from his wife and it’s before the ?trial has started. He hears his wife saying how she felt a little guilty for not paying their ?premiums but the two months of extra money would pay for this trip she didn’t want to be on. The husband interrupts her and tells her she must pay the monthly fee right away because a missed payment will null their contract and they’ll never be able to leave mutant town if their contract isn’t valid with the other place. Again, the dreamer is getting a news flash to explain the back story of how the couple is involved. It seems that right after the radiation accident, they, along with their baby (the fire baby) left the town and escaped. The elders want the baby back and it’s a trial to determine whether the baby has to stay or can live with the couple. It’s not the couple’s baby but the woman (a nurse?) was one of the witnesses to the aftermath of the nursery accident and grabbed the fire baby and ran away with it because she wanted to protect it. She and her husband and the baby then escaped from the town because they knew the radioactive fallout would cause any body that remained in the town to mutate. The dreamer is wondering how the radiation affected the grown up and assumes they are all insane. The elders are conferring among themselves about the fire baby and across town, the mayor of St. Louis is telling a crowd of people that the band Kiss will be coming to do a concert because they’re from St. Louis and owe the town a concert. In the dream i think to myself “well THAT sort of explains what Kiss is all about” and chuckle to myself.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

long hair/short hair

This dream preceded the long braid dream.

I'm in a hair salon in the mall i go to sometimes in dreams. Lois is working there and i tell her i want my hair to be cut very short like how i used to wear it. There are lots of people in the shop and the chairs are full of blond ladies having their hair styled or colored. All of the stylists are wearing black capes (like the ones normally put on the person having their hair done). Lois convinces me that cutting my hair isn't a good idea and i should just leave it as it is so i leave the salon. Later, i'm in the VIP section at the AVP in Vegas and Lois comes in. Her hair is cut very short and in the style i used to wear mine and i'm annoyed that she talked me out of having my hair cut off only to turn around and have her own hair cut in the style i wanted.

very long braid

This is one of the dreams i dreamed on the airplane Sunday, coming home from Nevada.

I'm in the passenger seat of a pickup truck. The road isn't familiar but i think it's an old interstate like Hwy 1. There's barely any other traffic on the road, just the occasional vehicle crossing at the lights we have to stop at when we pass through little towns. There is a man driving but i don't know who he is. I'm not really sure if i'm part of the dream or just a witness but i can clearly tell that i'm sitting in the front seat. I turn to a person sitting in the back seat behind the driver. It's another man but i don't know him either. He's being taken to get his hair cut and i have the impression he doesn't want to go. Then, i'm sitting in the back seat next to this man and i am trying to reassure him that cutting his hair is a good idea. He shows me his hair and i'm amazed at the length. It's in a braid and would easily fall to his knees if he stood up. I get excited because i can see how healthy and brown the hair is and tell him that his one braid could make several wigs for people who don't have hair because of illness. He's still not accepting of the idea and i attempt to find a way to convince him of what a good idea it is. I think he has Down's Syndrome or some sort of brain injury that makes him sort of child-like and i'm having difficulty communicating but it's not at all frustrating. Occasionally the driver pipes in with support for what i'm telling the braided man.




I'm not sure of the significance but it was the second 'hair' dream i had on the plane. An image from Seven Arrows seems to be associated with the braid. It's similar to the cover image on Song of Heyoehkah. So maybe the man represents a warrior? A worrier? Dream language...

Monday, September 7, 2009

Time thief

A woman and her two children, a boy and girl, are in a Woolworth’s in a city. They’re Japanese. The boy is around four years old and the girl maybe seven. The mother looks away for a moment and when she looks back, her son is gone. She runs to the window overlooking the street. She’s on the third floor and can see her son holding hands with an older man, walking away. She frantically calls out for help but nobody pays any mind. She grabs her daughters’ hand and runs to the down escalator to get to street level. As she runs out of the store she realizes her daughter is no longer with her. The woman goes in to shock. As she stands outside the store looking around her, all motion freezes to a stop. Only she has movement and she looks around her carefully trying to see her children. Even though nothing appears to be moving, she can hear the sounds of motion. The rubber tires of a car on pavement. Beating of a birds wings overhead. Crackle of paper being crumpled. Each sound clear like a note of a ringing bell.

Now the woman is home. The policemen are asking her questions about her children. There is a man in a business suit. Her husband? They are holding each other as the woman answers the policemen’s question as best as she can but it feels hopeless. She has no idea where her daughter could have gone and the man who took her son was a stranger.

A good period of time has passed. Maybe years. Two agents in black suits are at the door of the home and between them is a boy of maybe six. The boys face has been cut like the Joker’s face – a big scar smile so even crying, he looks like he’s smiling. The father opens the door to their knock and the mother comes running from further inside the house and grabs up the little boy in her arms. The agents inform the couple that the grandfather has kept the child in captivity for all this time and is responsible for the scars. It was sexual abuse and that’s why the grandfather cut the boys face into a permanent smile.


An awful dream emotionally. The part where the woman was on the frozen street was amazing though. The sounds were so clear and precise like at the beginning of the world.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

doors between worlds



In the dream, i’m asleep. I’m in “my” bed in my room (but really i don’t recognize anything about the room and i’ve never had a big bed like the one in the dream). I get out of bed because the sun is shining through the blinds on the windows. One of the windows is facing the road and the other is over the end of the house. This could be the room i slept in when my family lived in Wappinger’s Falls maybe. That room would have had windows in that placement but i barely remember anything about that house. Anyways, in the dream, i get out of the bed and walk across the room (wood floors) to the closet and open the doors. The doors of the closet are like vertical blinds but made of wood. Like accordion shutters sort of, i guess. In side the closet are hanging four doors. Real doors, like house ‘front doors’. Each on is carved wood and seems to be acting as a divider within the closet. There are just a few items of clothing hanging at the very left of the closet, otherwise the closet is empty except for the doors hanging in it. I examine each door and see that each contains a similar carved design but with subtle differences. Two of the doors are painted the same color combinations and the other two are different. The two that are the same are both red and the carved designs are blue on the top half of the door and yellow on the bottom half. I look at the detail and think it would be nice if the contrasted carved parts were further detailed with more color but see by the complexity how difficult and time consuming it would have been to do that. The one bit of design i remember is a row of 'hinges' on the bottom carved piece. Almost like the carvings were images of parts of doors. The other door is also primary colors but i can’t remember now what the colors were. Maybe a blue door with yellow and green contrast? Or green with blue and yellow? But the one door that really stood out to me because it was so different was, going from left to right, the first door. The colors were more complicated and muted. Not really pastels but almost. I remember a purpley color that i really liked and a muted green like Spring leaves in shadow. I don’t remember what the third color was. Something like rose mauve? I close the accordian doors to that closet and turn to my left where there’s another closet. This other closets doors are open and i can see that that’s where all my clothes and shoes and stuff are kept. I try to remember where my stereo is and start to open the door to (apparently) the hallway, but in the middle of the thought go back and open the accordian doors to look at the painted doors some more.

Doors inside closets. What does that signify? Something about inner worlds maybe? Dreams? Sub- or unconscious worlds/desires/journeys? It was a pleasureable dream, regardless. I felt at peace in that room.

Friday, September 4, 2009

hate it when that happens

I’m in my car, waiting in a long traffic line at the airport in the middle of nowhere. I’m there to pick up Claudia, who’s flying in from Greensboro. It’s a long, long wait and the line of cars moves little bits now and then. The parking lot is just a big cow pasture and there aren’t really any lanes but somehow everybody is being cooperative. Finally i drive into the giant barn-like structure so i know i must be getting close to the pick-up place. I realize that if i get up there and Claudia isn’t waiting, i’ll have to start all over at the end of the line so i pull out my cell phone and turn it on to call her. Just as i do that, i hear my name called over the loud speaker. “Lesley Olson, please pick up the nearest courtesy telephone.” The line of cars i’m in is making a turn and right in front of the car two up i see there’s a telephone on the wall of the barn. I jump out of my car and pick it up. It turns out to be a message from Claudia that she missed the flight and won’t be coming after all. The messenger voice is a man and he can tell i’m disappointed and offers some condolences or something. Asks me some questions. I’m standing next the idling cars wearing an oversized windbreaker jacket. Something is in my pocket. I think it’s my keys and phone and something else i value. Disappointed but accepting, i go back to my car and get in to drive away. After i drive out of the barn i realize “Hey! This is not my car!” and realize that somebody has stolen my car and left me an older version of the same make/model. I can’t figure out why my key works on this other car and why i didn’t notice it was red and black right away, when my car is silver (my previous car that was totaled by a pizza hut delivery boy was silver). I don’t know what i need to do so i call the police from my cell phone and try to explain what happened but don’t really know. The policeman suggests that my pocket was picked while i was on the courtesy phone and the thief switched keys. It seemed possible but i’m getting really pissed because it seems that i’m just going to be stuck with this old ratty car now unless i buy a new one and the car i want to buy doesn’t come out until 2011.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Little dreams between Strawberry snoozes

“Let me take you down, ‘cause i’m going to….. Strawberry Fields.”

I’m in quaint village – might be Epcot – and i have a poster that’s part of an album(?). I open it and it’s very large. It’s a kind of collage (sort of like the one in The Beatles white album) but HUGE. It’s got a strange shape too and i realize it’s a door decoration for Christmas decorating. As i look closer to see which band it is from, i just see pictures of some radio personality all over one side and pictures of Christmas ornaments and designs all over the rest. There's a hole in the corner for hanging it on a door. I’m totally confused. I try to fold it back up like it was but can’t (it’s like folding a fitted sheet) but i finally get it folded enough to put it away.

“Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about”


I’m back in the same village and going in to a breakfast restaurant. Out of the corner of my eye i see an unmanned broom sweeping around the restaurants sign. Some of my co-workers are sitting at the outside tables and one of them, Tracy, calls out to me and i know she’s going to point out the broom and before she can say anything to me i say “Yeah, it’s magic” and continue into the restaurant but now it’s where i work and i’m trying to remember if i brushed my teeth. Arrrgh. Woke up when i thought i was already awake and up.


“Living is easy with eyes closed misunderstanding all you see.”

“It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out.”

“It doesn’t matter much to me.”