ship of fools

I'm on a large wooden multi-leveled deck of a big house. There's a party going on and there are lots of men around me. We're on the top-most deck and i can see the blue of the ocean beyond the rail. It seems like a military event because all the men are wearing faded camouflage fatigues. One man comes up from a level below. He has a shotgun and rushes into the middle of the crowd and shoots himself in the head and is dead. As the crowd is murmuring and talking about the suicide, another man comes up from a lower deck. He has a 22 rifle. I try to stop him from shooting himself because i know that a bullet from a 22 will only maim him but as i try to get through the crowd to get nearer he shoots himself. The bullet makes a clean hole from between his eyes out the back of his head but he's still standing and conscious. I can see through the hole in his head. He picks up another bullet from the ground and drops it into the barrel of the rifle and shoots himself again but there's no force behind the bullet and it doesn't even penetrate his skin. He tries to load the rifle again the right way but his motor skills are failing and he keeps fumbling the bullet. I pity him and want to help and i'm shouting to the other men standing around "Help him!" but they don't understand that i mean for them to help him die and end his suffering.

My perception or belief is at odds with the masses? My inability to communicate with the general population?